1 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,659 Clark Griswold. I'm trading my wife's old car in. 2 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,328 [CHUCKLES] 3 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,830 Say goodbye to the old gas-guzzler, Russ. 4 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,540 See you later. 5 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,250 Pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty? 6 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,295 -What's that, Dad? -Picking up the new car. 7 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,256 Yeah, you can't wait, can you? 8 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,675 -Hi there, Ed. -Good to see you, Mr. Griswold. 9 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,136 -How're you doing? Ruben, right? -Rusty. 10 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,180 -Okay. -Look at him. He can't wait. 11 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,057 So did you bring your trade-in? 12 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,976 Yeah, a guy just took it away a couple of seconds ago. 13 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,561 -Let's get to it, then. -Okay. 14 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,439 We were afraid the new one wouldn't come in yet. 15 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:14,068 On our way to California. The big vacation, the whole family, Walley World. 16 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,529 -Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde. -Clark. 17 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,156 Well, there she is. 18 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,366 Where? 19 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,284 Right here. The wagon. 20 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,995 Dad, this is not the car you ordered. 21 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:29,250 Take it easy, Rusty. Ed, this is not the car l ordered. 22 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:33,546 I distinctly ordered the Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon... 23 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,215 ...with the CB and the optional Rally fun pack. 24 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,176 You didn't order the Metallic Pea? 25 00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:43,055 Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue. 26 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,559 The Sportswagon. This isn't even the right model. 27 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,228 I think you're right. I don't think this is the car. 28 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,397 This is the new Wagonqueen Family Truckster. 29 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:55,067 This is a damn fine automobile, if you want my honest opinion. 30 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,069 Beats the hell out of the Sportswagon. 31 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,904 But l want to make you happy. 32 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,281 Davenport. 33 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,199 I'll get to the bottom of this. 34 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,659 DAVENPORT: Yes, Mr. Ed? 35 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,829 Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon. Where is it? 36 00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,873 I don't know, sir. 37 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,961 I know what must have happened. 38 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,713 It didn't come in. 39 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:21,427 Ed, l'm not your ordinary, everyday fool. Okay? 40 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,847 Now, l'd like my Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon right now. 41 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:28,601 If you can't get it for me, I'm gonna take my business elsewhere. 42 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,019 Where's my old car? 43 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,650 I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me. 44 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,444 Davenport. 45 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:42,031 Get Mr. Griswold's car back. Bring it back here. 46 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:51,665 I can get you the wagon, no problem. The problem is, it might take six weeks. 47 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,627 I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold... 48 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,463 ...if you're thinking of taking the tribe cross-country... 49 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,757 ...this is the automobile you should be using. 50 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,926 The Wagonqueen Family Truckster. 51 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,762 You think you hate it now, but wait until you drive it. 52 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:08,349 I don't want to drive it. I just want my old car back, okay? 53 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:12,645 I'm not falling for this bit. No way. Let's go, Russ. 54 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:23,906 [CAR ENGlNE RATTLlNG] 55 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,137 Clark, is that the right car? 56 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,349 No, it isn't, honey. l changed my mind. 57 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,310 They flattened our old car like a pancake. 58 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,730 Are you serious? Is this really our car, Dad? 59 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,984 What happened? I thought we were gonna get the little Sports thing. 60 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,736 Oh, no. The Sportswagon's much too small. 61 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,030 Besides, l got a great deal on this one. 62 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,826 Let me tell you, if we're taking the whole tribe across country... 63 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,578 ...believe me, this is your automobile. 64 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,871 [RATTLING CONTINUES] 65 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,665 Why is it still running? 66 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,333 Oh, all new cars do that. 67 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,960 I'll take care of that in a second. 68 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,795 [CHUCKLES] 69 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:24,675 You may think you hate it now, honey, but wait until you drive it. 70 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,387 Whoa! An air bag. 71 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,807 You know, Clark, it's not too late to fly out to California. 72 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,225 We only have two weeks. 73 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,395 Let's not get into that again, sweetie pie. Please? 74 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,441 Lots of families fly, Clark. Especially cross-country. 75 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:44,570 The whole idea of a family vacation is to spend time together as a family. 76 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,156 You get on an airplane, you put on your earphones... 77 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,491 ...and you're lost in your own world. 78 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,869 It's an awfully long ride, Clark. 79 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,246 I'm looking forward to an awfully long ride. 80 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:58,876 You get to see the kids all the time. I see them two minutes in the morning... 81 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,463 ...two minutes in the evening. Maybe three hours on the weekend. 82 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:06,675 Sheesh. One of these days l'm gonna get up and realize that my little babies... 83 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,886 ...are all grown up. And then what? 84 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:13,057 I just thought it might be easier to fly. 85 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,435 Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen. 86 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,604 We know that. 87 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,897 Kids? 88 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,148 [VIDEOGAME PLAYlNG OVER TV] 89 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,025 Who wants to see the triptych? 90 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,777 What? Dad, we're playing. 91 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:28,781 Okay, shut off the video games. Come on, Russ. Shut it off. 92 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,159 I know you'll enjoy this. I worked out the trip on the computer... 93 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,204 ...so we get the maximum amount of fun time at Walley World... 94 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,165 ...without missing any of the good stuff along the way. 95 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,875 Here we go. There's us. 96 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,460 And there's Walley World. 97 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,214 let's just take a look at Day One. Shall we? 98 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:48,092 Honey, come on in. We're gonna do Day One. 99 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:49,968 [BEEPlNG] 100 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,642 Okay, now there's the Family Truckster as we leave Chicago. 101 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,353 [VIDEO GAME BEEPlNG] 102 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:04,108 CLARK: Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster. 103 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:09,279 Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work this out here on the computer. Please. 104 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,785 Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey. That's just great. 105 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,746 RUSTY: Look out, Dad, here l come. 106 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,498 CLARK: All right, that's enough, Russ. 107 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,708 Okay. Now, I think we're moving towards-- 108 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,836 Thank you. Good shot, Audrey. 109 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,547 Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying? 110 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:30,509 Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that. 111 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,431 I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air. 112 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,225 Locked the door, notified the police, stopped the papers. 113 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,810 I called to get the grass cut. 114 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,521 Did I put the timers on the living-room lights? 115 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,523 Oh, and don't forget the mail. 116 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,192 -Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight. -Bye! 117 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,944 [ALL CHATTERING] 118 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,279 -Bye! CLARK: So long. 119 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:54,825 MAN 1 : Drive careful now, Clark. MAN 2: Watch out for the lndians, Clark. 120 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,202 Watch those freeways. 121 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,704 Oh, goodbye. 122 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,664 ELLEN: Oh, l know I've forgotten something. 123 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,041 CLARK: Walley World, here we come. 124 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,543 [ENGINE STARTS] 125 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,055 CLARK and ELLEN [SINGlNG]: Mockingbird, tell me 126 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,184 -Everybody have you heard? -Have you heard? 127 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:24,563 -He's gonna buy me a mockingbird -He's gonna buy me a mockingbird 128 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,650 -And if that mockingbird don't sing -And if that mockingbird don't sing 129 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,863 -He's gonna buy me a diamond ring -He's gonna buy me a diamond ring 130 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:37,284 -And if that diamond ring don't shine -lf that diamond ring don't shine 131 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:41,330 -He's gonna surely break this heart of mine -lt's gonna break this heart of mine 132 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:46,084 -And that's why I keep on singin' in your ear -And that's why, yes indeed, oh, yes indeed 133 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,129 Yay, yay, whoa-oh-oh 134 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,590 CLARK: Come on, kids. -We don't know any of your songs. 135 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,760 -Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up. CLARK: Okay, I got one. 136 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:59,264 How about The Walley World National Anthem? Huh? 137 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,558 -Okay, okay, you start. -Ahem. 138 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:05,354 ALL [SlNGlNG]: Who's the moosiest moose we know? 139 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,688 Marty Moose 140 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,234 Who's the star of our favorite show? Marty Moose 141 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,695 "M" is for merry we're merry, you see 142 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,407 "O" is for oh, gosh Oh, golly, oh gee 143 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:21,036 "S" is for super-swell family glee 144 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,998 "E" is for everything you want to be 145 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:29,002 M-A-R-T-Y 146 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,881 M-O-O-S-E 147 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,341 What's that spell? 148 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,010 Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose 149 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,303 Yuck! 150 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,638 That's me. 151 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,640 [IMITATES MOOSE LAUGH] 152 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,017 CARL: All right. That's more like it. 153 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,394 Here's one you don't know. 154 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,647 We used to sing it when you were kids. You're gonna like this. Ah.... 155 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,732 BOTH [SINGlNG]: Jimmy crack corn and l don't care 156 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,901 Jimmy crack corn and l don't care 157 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,820 Jimmy crack corn 158 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:16,091 [SINGlNG] Swing low 159 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:19,511 Sweet chariot 160 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,389 Comin' for to carry me home 161 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:25,350 Swing low, chariot 162 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,103 I looked over Jordan and what did l see 163 00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,272 Comin' for to carry me home 164 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,190 Band of angels comin' 165 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,942 What smells in here, honey? 166 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,945 Russ. Russ. Your feet. 167 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,880 Clark, isn't this the gas tank? 168 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,423 Yes, l know, honey. 169 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,552 Get in the car. I'm just fixing the license plate here. 170 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,142 CLARK: Hey, see that, kids? 171 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:52,437 That's the St. Louis Arch. The Gateway to the West. 172 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:56,358 It's over 600-feet tall, and there's an elevator all the way to the top. 173 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,360 That's 60 stories to you and me. 174 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,697 RUSTY: Wow, Dad, can we go up on it? CLARK: No. 175 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,532 Dad, what river is this? 176 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,451 That's the Mississippi. The mighty Mississip. 177 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,703 [CHUCKLES] 178 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:11,707 The Old Miss. The Old Man. 179 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,544 [SINGlNG lN DEEP VOICE] Deep river 180 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:20,966 My home is over Jordan 181 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,593 ELLEN: Clark, l think this is the wrong exit. 182 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:26,805 CLARK: What's the difference, as long as we get across the river? 183 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,023 [SIREN WAILlNG lN DlSTANCE] 184 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,359 Clark? What are you doing? 185 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,320 -Just relax, Ellen. -This is so dangerous. 186 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,282 We have no business being in an area like this. 187 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,658 Well, look at it this way. 188 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,994 This is a part of America we never get to see. 189 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,163 -That's good. -No, that's bad. 190 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,583 I mean, we can't close our eyes to the plight of the cities. 191 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,294 Kids, you noticing all this plight? 192 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,172 This will just make us appreciate what we have. 193 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,840 [GUNSHOT THEN WOMAN SCREAMS] 194 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,341 Roll them up. 195 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,351 I'd better ask these fellas how to get back on the expressway. 196 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,397 Pardon me. 197 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,859 I wonder if you could tell me how to get back on the expressway? 198 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,029 -Fuck your mama. -Thank you very much. 199 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,119 MAN 1 : Hey, Darnell, check out this Truckster. 200 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,579 MAN 2: It's a Truckster. 201 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,706 With a luggage rack. 202 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,796 CLARK: Hey, excuse me, homes? Heh-heh. Aha. 203 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,132 What it is, bro. We're from out of town. 204 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,342 MAN 3: No shit? 205 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,470 I'd really appreciate it if you could give me directions... 206 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,430 ...back onto the expressway. 207 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,391 -What? For free? -Sure. 208 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,477 Five dollars. 209 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:59,314 -l'm not gonna give you $5 for directions. -l think that's fair, Clark. 210 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,527 Okay. Here's $1 0. 211 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,570 Thank you. 212 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,614 [METALLlC CLANGlNG] 213 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:08,824 Keep the change. 214 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:12,244 Okay. Now, you see which way you're pointing, right? 215 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,912 -Yeah. -Yeah, okay, that's good. 216 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,497 Because, you see that place? 217 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,875 -Yeah. -Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"? 218 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,252 -Rib Tips. -Mm-hm. Fuck that. 219 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,212 You don't want to go that way. 220 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,339 I wonder if these guys know the Commodores. 221 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:27,008 You gonna go all the way down about half a block... 222 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,761 ...and you'll see a Torino with no wheels on it. 223 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,848 Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie. 224 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,267 You tell him that you're my boy, and you're lost. 225 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,435 He'll make sure you get where you're going. 226 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,522 You don't want to know from me. This ain't my neighborhood. 227 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,400 I'm from the west side of Chicago, here on vacation. 228 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,111 CLARK: Thanks a lot. You've been a great help. 229 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,744 -Honey? -Hmm. 230 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,582 This reminds me of the time in college... 231 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,626 ...when we drove down to Fort Lauderdale in my Austin-Healy. 232 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,297 I haven't thought about that for a long time. 233 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,717 Remember what we did in the car? 234 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:12,095 It's amazing we didn't get in an accident. 235 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,889 Want to relive a fond memory? 236 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,932 Are you serious? 237 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,351 -No. -Why not? 238 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,062 Because, that's why. 239 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,315 The kids are asleep. 240 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:27,736 Let's just wait until we get to a motel. 241 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:34,326 Okay, we'll wait. I gotta find the best one on the road. 242 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,661 Do you want to put your head in my lap? 243 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,830 That's not what l was thinking. 244 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,376 The wheel. Let me get this. 245 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,087 There you go, move it out of your way. 246 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,881 Comfy? 247 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,343 Clark? 248 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,012 Clark, my head's stuck. 249 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,100 Clark, quit kidding around. lt hurts. 250 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,727 It's stuck. 251 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:03,563 Cut it out. 252 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,817 I know what you're trying to do, and l think it's sick. 253 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,571 The wheel's stuck. 254 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,991 That was a dirty trick. 255 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,826 The damn wheel is all screwed up. 256 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,454 You're tired. You get weird when you get tired. 257 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:23,625 Let's just find a motel. I don't want you dozing off. 258 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,544 I'm not tired. Are you kidding? 259 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,547 I could go another 1 00 miles. Come on. 260 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,549 No problem. 261 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,080 [SNORING] 262 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,718 [MAN MUTTERING] 263 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,846 [HORN HONKlNG] 264 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,016 [SNORING] 265 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,611 [DOG YELPS] 266 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,322 [HORN HONKS] 267 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:44,330 Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV and come to bed? 268 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,584 Okay, honey. 269 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,129 [SCREAMS] 270 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,689 Well, up and at them. We're here. 271 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,337 Oh! 272 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,214 [IMITATES "PSYCHO" THEME] 273 00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,174 Clark. 274 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,511 -Can l do your back, honey? -l've already done my back. 275 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,054 Can l do your front? 276 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,014 Go do your own front. 277 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,356 You know Clark, maybe we should call Catherine and Eddie... 278 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,318 ...and tell them that we won't be in until tomorrow afternoon. 279 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,903 Afternoon? 280 00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:00,740 If we're not there by 1 0:00 a.m., it's gonna throw the schedule completely off. 281 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,867 I planned everything very carefully... 282 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,538 ...so we'd be at Walley World first thing Saturday morning. 283 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:11,000 Sparky, l know how much this trip means to you... 284 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,337 ...and that you want all of us to have a great time... 285 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:17,215 ...but it's a long way to Walley World. 286 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:21,970 And l think it'd be easier on all of us if you'd just try to relax. 287 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,516 I'm way ahead of you, honey. 288 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,566 [CHUCKLES] Oh. 289 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,401 When did you get these? 290 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,070 I have my little secrets. 291 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,534 -What a nice thought. -Mm. 292 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:50,498 [GlGGLES] 293 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,458 Don't drink yet. 294 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,252 [CLEARS THROAT] 295 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,259 Ready for this? 296 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,928 [BED RATTLlNG] 297 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:12,103 Ahh.... I'd like to propose a toast, if l may. 298 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,940 Here's to a very restful vacation. 299 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,069 Here's to a very relaxing vacation... 300 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,822 ...a renewed love affair... 301 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,869 ...and a time ofjoy with our babies. 302 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,038 [BED SQUEAKING and RATTLlNG lNTENSlFYlNG] 303 00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,666 You know, honey, l never told you this. 304 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:36,085 I know it's been a rough beginning. 305 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,296 I think there's something wrong here. 306 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,090 It's the bed. lt will slow up in a second. 307 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:45,220 I got it. Hold on to this. Enjoy it. 308 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,890 -Clark, what are you doing? -Let's try this, my darling. 309 00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,142 Aha. 310 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,519 Now we're talking. 311 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,314 We haven't done this for a long time. 312 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,607 [CLARK CHUCKLES] 313 00:21:57,775 --> 00:21:59,108 [ELLEN MOANS] 314 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,986 ELLEN: Oh. Clark. 315 00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:04,364 -What's that noise? -What's going on? 316 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:08,243 Hey. Don't you kids knock anymore? 317 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,287 Sorry, we thought you were fighting or something. 318 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:13,748 Nobody is fighting in here. 319 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:15,500 [RATTLING and SQUEAKING STOPS] 320 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,043 It's very late. 321 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:18,544 RUSTY: Where is Mom? 322 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,463 ELLEN: I'm under here, kids. 323 00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:22,674 Go back to bed. 324 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,176 Go back to bed, now. Rusty. 325 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,928 The bed was very soft. 326 00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,389 Weird-o-rama. 327 00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:31,182 Really. 328 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:37,063 CLARK: This is the street Wyatt Earp used to keep law and order on. 329 00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:39,649 ELLEN: It seems kind of dirty and touristy. 330 00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,026 CLARK: Oh, Ellen, the Old West was dirty. 331 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,862 Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home... 332 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,031 ...there'd be no reason for leaving. Right? 333 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,866 RUSTY: Oh, yeah, Dad. This is great. 334 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:52,954 -You know, l'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii. CLARK: l'll bet you are. 335 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,252 Okay. Kids! 336 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:02,213 Let's go get a drink. What do you say? Here you go, champ. 337 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:03,881 [CHUCKLES] 338 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,301 Well. 339 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,930 Howdy, city slickers. 340 00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:14,642 Welcome to the Long Branch. No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging. 341 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:18,730 Watch what you say to our bartender. He's an ornery cuss. 342 00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,732 -Thank you, Sheriff. -Marshal. 343 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:22,400 CLARK: Oh. Sorry. 344 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,818 It's no sweat. 345 00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:25,903 Give me five, partner. 346 00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:32,702 That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp. He's wearing jogging shoes. 347 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:34,329 They used to, Rusty. 348 00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:37,957 Hey, knucklehead. Set us up with four redeyes, will you? 349 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,753 Hey, yellow-belly. l'm talking to you. 350 00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:45,590 [CHUCKLES] 351 00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:48,593 Hey, tenderfoot. Move your chicken wings, turkey. 352 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,678 [LAUGHlNG] 353 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,976 Clark. That's not nice. 354 00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:59,687 It's all part of the act, hon. 355 00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:01,230 Hey, underpants. 356 00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:03,024 Hey, yellow-- 357 00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:05,777 ELLEN: Clark! 358 00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:08,237 I'm okay. I'm okay. 359 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:09,739 I'm all right. 360 00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:11,115 [LAUGHS] 361 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:15,870 I don't think that's very funny. A noise like that could impair the kids' hearing. 362 00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:17,914 Oh, come on. 363 00:24:18,082 --> 00:24:21,417 It was real. lt looked real, didn't it? Hell, I thought it was a real gun. 364 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:23,628 Didn't it look real when l fell down, hon? 365 00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,671 -What? -Didn't it look real, sweetie? 366 00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,341 -What? -Are you happy now, Clark? 367 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:30,676 -She's deaf. -What's the difference? 368 00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:33,471 It was fun anyway. Let's have a drink. What do you say? 369 00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:34,972 Pardon me, sir? 370 00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:42,897 Catherine said we just stay on 50. 371 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:45,691 Well, l was thinking about shooting over to 54... 372 00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:48,027 -...and zipping down to Liberal. -What for? 373 00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:50,279 -The House of Mud. -What's the House of Mud? 374 00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:54,033 It's only the largest freestanding mud dwelling ever built, that's all. 375 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:57,412 You see, kids, the pioneers didn't have bricks, so they used mud. 376 00:24:57,579 --> 00:25:00,164 They didn't use mud, they used sod, Dad. 377 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,251 Right, Audrey, and when they ran out of sod, they used mud. 378 00:25:03,419 --> 00:25:06,629 Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud. 379 00:25:06,797 --> 00:25:09,424 I think Dodge City was enough for one day. 380 00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:13,219 Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us. 381 00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,638 It's living history, Ellen. 382 00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:18,224 But if you'd rather see your cousins... 383 00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:19,600 ...it's okay by me. 384 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:22,478 Personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie. 385 00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:25,356 -Knock it off. ELLEN: What's going on? 386 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,817 Rusty is licking his hand and touching me with it. 387 00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,194 Clark, tell Rusty to behave himself. 388 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:31,988 Rusty, behave yourself. 389 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:35,366 Audrey's eating peanut butter and smiling with it all over her teeth. 390 00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,618 Audrey, eat with your mouth closed. 391 00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:41,539 -No eating in the car, kids. -You suck, you know that? 392 00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:45,001 -Retard. -l am trying to concentrate on the road. 393 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,097 RUSTY: What did you say? 394 00:25:58,265 --> 00:25:59,432 [ELLEN TALKlNG INDISTINCTLY] 395 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,227 ELLEN: Stop it, both of you. Just give me the peanut butter. 396 00:26:08,859 --> 00:26:11,319 AUDREY: He started it! ELLEN: I don't care who started it! 397 00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:13,446 [KIDS and ELLEN ARGUlNG] 398 00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:14,947 ELLEN: I don't care who started it. 399 00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:18,034 I don't want to hear another word out of either one of you. 400 00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:30,588 Clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour. 401 00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:33,591 -Doesn't seem like it, does it? -Slow down. 402 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,261 I don't know why. We're making good time. 403 00:26:39,723 --> 00:26:43,267 [SINGlNG] Love for sale 404 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,728 Appetizing, yummy love for sale 405 00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,662 [DOG BARKlNG] 406 00:27:02,829 --> 00:27:05,039 CATHERlNE: Oh, they're here. Eddie, come on. 407 00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:08,125 Oh, l can't believe it. lt's been an age! 408 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,878 ELLEN: I never thought we'd get out here, you look great! 409 00:27:11,046 --> 00:27:14,215 -Eddie, get down here. -Eddie, you look terrific. 410 00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:16,801 -Ellen, how are you? -l never thought you'd get here. 411 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:18,678 ELLEN: Good to see you. 412 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:22,348 Come and meet your second cousins. Look how they've grown. 413 00:27:22,516 --> 00:27:24,850 And you have lost weight, Catherine. 414 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,687 Yeah, added a few more mouths to the litter. 415 00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,021 [CLARK and EDDIE CHUCKLING] 416 00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:33,317 Let's see. Rusty and Audrey, cousins Vicki and Dale. 417 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,989 -Hi. -And this is Eddie Junior and this is Junior. 418 00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:40,992 And this little moppet on my skirts is Daisy-Mabel. 419 00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:43,411 Well. How old are you, little one? 420 00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:46,831 -She was born without a tongue, Clark. CLARK: Ooh. 421 00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:50,167 But don't worry about her. She whistles like a bird and eats like a horse. 422 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:51,836 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 423 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,964 Take your little guests out back and show them your worm farm. 424 00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:57,842 Go on, scoot. Ellen, come in the house. 425 00:27:58,010 --> 00:28:01,846 -l've got so much to tell you. -Look at the flowers. l love them. 426 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:06,809 Oh, boy. Look at that car. 427 00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:09,103 Yeah, that's the Family Truckster. 428 00:28:09,271 --> 00:28:13,024 Boy, she's a beaut. I like those green walls. 429 00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:16,027 We had some trouble in St. Louis. 430 00:28:16,612 --> 00:28:20,323 So you're looking really... 431 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:21,991 ...fit. 432 00:28:22,993 --> 00:28:25,369 This is the old homestead, huh? 433 00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:27,455 [SIGHS] 434 00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:31,500 Yeah, l don't know for how long, though. 435 00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:35,046 The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast. 436 00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:37,673 Yeah. l know the feeling. 437 00:28:38,675 --> 00:28:40,259 Fuck it. 438 00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:47,725 -l bet you could use a cool one, huh? -Now you're talking. 439 00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:49,894 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 440 00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:02,156 I'm going steady. And l French kiss. 441 00:29:03,033 --> 00:29:07,203 -So? Everyone does that. -Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it. 442 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,708 Want a worm? 443 00:29:12,876 --> 00:29:14,752 No, thanks. 444 00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:17,463 Hey, you got Pac-Man? 445 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:19,507 No. 446 00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:21,926 You got Space lnvaders? 447 00:29:22,427 --> 00:29:23,886 Nope. 448 00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:27,682 -You got Asteroids? -No, but my dad does. 449 00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:30,685 He can't even sit on the toilet some days. 450 00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:35,690 So, what do you do here, Dale? 451 00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:37,274 Well... 452 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:40,486 ...l got a stack of nudie books this high. 453 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:45,074 Oh, she's beautiful. 454 00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:53,624 -Would you sell me any of them? -Shit, no. l cherish these things. 455 00:29:55,001 --> 00:29:56,544 I use them a lot. 456 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,381 How do you use a magazine? 457 00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:03,300 I was getting to that. 458 00:30:03,468 --> 00:30:07,680 A guy taught me something really neat last year. 459 00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:10,141 Did you ever bop your baloney? 460 00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:16,188 [HUMMlNG] 461 00:30:17,274 --> 00:30:19,734 I guess we're 1 1 , aren't we? 462 00:30:19,901 --> 00:30:24,488 -No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna. -Aunt Edna? She's still alive? 463 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:26,115 Oh, you bet. 464 00:30:26,283 --> 00:30:30,077 I can't wait to see the look on Clark's face when he hears that. 465 00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:33,497 Well, she came to help out when Eddie ruptured his spleen... 466 00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:36,000 ...and she's been with us ever since. 467 00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,627 She wanted to go back to Phoenix a year ago... 468 00:30:38,795 --> 00:30:40,796 ...but Eddie wouldn't let her. 469 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:46,218 Frankly, without her Social Security, we'd never be able to live like this. 470 00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:51,891 Gee, Cath, it looks like you've really got your hands full. 471 00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:54,894 Oh, it's not so bad. 472 00:30:55,061 --> 00:30:58,606 Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs. 473 00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:05,196 How do you like yours, Clark? 474 00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,656 Oh, medium-rare, a little pink inside. 475 00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:10,159 No, your bun. Light or dark? 476 00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:13,037 Oh. Either way, it doesn't matter. 477 00:31:14,247 --> 00:31:17,750 Vicki, can l help you with that Kool-Aid? Please? 478 00:31:18,210 --> 00:31:20,044 EDDlE: Mm-mm-mm. 479 00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:25,007 I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. lt does just fine by itself. 480 00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:28,969 I like it better than Tuna Helper myself. Don't you, Clark? 481 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:32,014 You're the gourmet around here, Ed. Heh. 482 00:31:37,062 --> 00:31:38,354 No meat in this? 483 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:42,358 You get plenty of meat at home. Be polite. Have some ketchup. 484 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,739 Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? 485 00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:51,075 Nothing but the best. 486 00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:52,284 [CHUCKLES] 487 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:55,663 Aunt Edna. Helper's getting cold. 488 00:31:57,415 --> 00:31:59,458 Is that your Aunt Edna? 489 00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:12,805 ELLEN: Aunt Edna. After all these years. You're looking so good. 490 00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:19,520 CLARK: Hi, Edna. Nice to see you again. 491 00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:22,815 You remember Clark, don't you? 492 00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:28,279 You were the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. 493 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,990 It made me so sick. 494 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:34,869 I'm sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake. 495 00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:37,621 You enjoy throwing up every five minutes, Claude? 496 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,958 -Clark. -l thought so. 497 00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:45,421 Well, am I going to eat or am l gonna starve to death? 498 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:49,967 Catherine. 499 00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:53,762 Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news? 500 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,348 No. I was just about to. 501 00:32:56,516 --> 00:32:58,559 Catherine, what's the good news? 502 00:32:58,727 --> 00:33:02,062 You're driving me to Phoenix. 503 00:33:05,442 --> 00:33:08,444 [POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADlO] 504 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:16,285 Junior Pig Competition? 505 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,495 You won this for raising a pig? 506 00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:21,248 Yeah. First Place. 507 00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:24,209 Does anybody know about it? 508 00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:25,628 Everybody knows. 509 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:32,176 Vicki, don't get offended, but being a farmer is not too cool, you know. 510 00:33:33,970 --> 00:33:35,804 Oh, yeah? 511 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:39,934 Well, how cool... 512 00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:41,810 ...is this? 513 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:53,155 I'm real glad that things are going good for you, Clark. 514 00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:56,951 Mm-hm. Tsk. 515 00:33:57,118 --> 00:34:02,706 I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory. Ahem. 516 00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:04,583 And now, wouldn't you know it... 517 00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,835 ...the Army cut my disability pension... 518 00:34:07,003 --> 00:34:12,007 ...because they said the plate in my head wasn't big enough. Shoo. 519 00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:18,639 Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't want to hear about our troubles. 520 00:34:18,807 --> 00:34:20,265 No, no. It's very interesting. 521 00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:23,477 Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? 522 00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:25,479 He sure as hell can't take a hint. 523 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:30,442 Well, l didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but.... 524 00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,321 Could you, maybe, spare a little extra cash? 525 00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:36,532 Sure, Eddie. 526 00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,200 [CHUCKLES] 527 00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,538 How much do you need? 528 00:34:42,706 --> 00:34:44,707 About $52,000. 529 00:34:48,003 --> 00:34:50,337 Goodbye, baby. 530 00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:52,339 And you'll send those checks? 531 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:54,633 -All taken care of. -Okay. 532 00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:58,262 -Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna. -Lay off, lay off. 533 00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:01,265 Well, gotta be going. 534 00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,934 -What's this? -This is for you, Clark. 535 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,853 Oh, what is it? 536 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:09,440 -Gift. -You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie. 537 00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:10,899 Oh, go on, open it. 538 00:35:11,067 --> 00:35:12,443 Oh. 539 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,697 Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have. 540 00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,616 -You really shouldn't have. RUSTY: Those are great, Dad. 541 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:22,327 -Quiet down, Russ. EDDlE: Try them on. 542 00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:24,163 No, I don't want to get them dirty. 543 00:35:24,330 --> 00:35:26,457 I told you he wouldn't like them, Eddie. 544 00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:29,209 CLARK: l love them. -l knew you did... 545 00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:32,963 ...because the last time l saw you you remarked about how much you liked mine. 546 00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:36,383 -Well, l guess we'd better be going. -Yeah. 547 00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:37,968 -Whew. -Ha-ha. 548 00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,219 -Bye, Eddie. -Bye, Ellen. 549 00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:42,765 -Bye, Clark. lt's was great having you here. -Goodbye. Thank you. Okay. 550 00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:46,351 Here he is, Uncle Clark, all walked and evetything. 551 00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:48,020 What is this? A dog? 552 00:35:48,188 --> 00:35:51,440 He's Aunt Edna's. His name is Dinky. He watches Family Feud. 553 00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,485 Oh. Hi, how are you, little fellow? 554 00:35:54,652 --> 00:35:55,986 [GROWLS THEN BARKS] 555 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:57,654 Easy. 556 00:35:57,906 --> 00:36:01,533 Yeah. You folks didn't get to meet Dinky last night. 557 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:03,952 He had the shits, so he slept in the barn. 558 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:08,165 Ah. Well, great. Better make some space for him in the back. Come on. 559 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:09,333 [GROWLlNG] 560 00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:12,461 Ow! No. No. Sit, sit. Roll over. Come on, heel. 561 00:36:12,629 --> 00:36:16,173 -Here. Have a good trip. -Thanks, Vic. 562 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,801 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 563 00:36:22,472 --> 00:36:27,309 CATHERlNE: Bye! Bye, kids, bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye! 564 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:46,620 Look at these sandwiches. Here, Aunt Edna. 565 00:36:46,788 --> 00:36:48,372 EDNA: Thank you. 566 00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:50,040 Audrey. 567 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,044 Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the dog and come and have some lunch. 568 00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:56,213 [DOG GROWLlNG] 569 00:36:59,759 --> 00:37:01,301 Oh, Clark, look. 570 00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:04,555 Your favorite, baloney and cheese. 571 00:37:07,433 --> 00:37:09,685 And what should l have? 572 00:37:09,853 --> 00:37:13,856 Maybe some fruit or something like that. 573 00:38:18,338 --> 00:38:20,505 Mom, my sandwich is all wet. 574 00:38:20,673 --> 00:38:22,549 Well, they're all wet. 575 00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:27,763 Oh, God. The dog went on the picnic basket. 576 00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:28,865 Russ, look. 577 00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:31,702 Excellent. They have a pool. 578 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:35,205 Aren't the woods beautiful? 579 00:39:35,915 --> 00:39:39,209 Clark. Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath. 580 00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:42,004 Rusty, take care of Dinkums. 581 00:39:42,171 --> 00:39:45,215 -Dad, he bites. CLARK: Bite him back. 582 00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:57,894 [RlNGlNG] 583 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:06,611 -We'd like three tents for the night, please. -All right. That'll be $37. 584 00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:08,905 Thirty-seven dollars for three tents? 585 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:10,407 Oh, they're very nice tents. 586 00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:13,910 And that price includes scenery and wildlife fun. 587 00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,248 Oh, come on, Clark. It seems like a nice place. 588 00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:21,126 It's got a pool and everything. 589 00:40:21,294 --> 00:40:23,879 -All right. -Here you go. 590 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:26,631 -Fill out that. CLARK: Mm-hm. 591 00:40:30,928 --> 00:40:33,889 Clark W. Griswold. You want my street? 592 00:40:34,057 --> 00:40:35,098 Please. 593 00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:38,352 -What do you need my address for? -We like to send out a mailer. 594 00:40:42,357 --> 00:40:44,441 AUDREY: I can't wait to get in. RUSTY: Me, too. 595 00:40:44,609 --> 00:40:46,276 Get our bathing-- 596 00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:49,071 Ugh. 597 00:40:49,364 --> 00:40:52,032 That's disgusting. 598 00:40:56,162 --> 00:40:58,372 Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh? 599 00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:04,378 Ooh. Clark, this tent smells. 600 00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:06,421 Edna, this is your tent. 601 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,590 [FLlES BUZZING] 602 00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:25,816 [COUGHlNG] 603 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:27,984 ELLEN: Sp-- Sparky. 604 00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:31,321 -This isn't very romantic. -lsn't it? 605 00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:36,368 No, I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag. 606 00:41:36,536 --> 00:41:39,329 Honey, right now, we're one. 607 00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:43,542 -One heart beating for two. -Oh, Sparky. 608 00:41:43,709 --> 00:41:45,710 [GROWLlNG] 609 00:41:48,881 --> 00:41:51,425 Sparky, there's a wild animal. 610 00:41:51,592 --> 00:41:52,843 -Yeah. -No. 611 00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:56,054 -l know, l'm gonna go for it, honey. -Wild animal-- No. 612 00:41:58,391 --> 00:42:01,143 Ow! Get off. Down. Go. 613 00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:04,312 I'm sorry, honey. lt's Dinky. Get off! 614 00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:09,985 I'll kill that dog. 615 00:42:10,695 --> 00:42:11,903 [SIGHS] 616 00:42:12,071 --> 00:42:13,530 I'm sorry. 617 00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:16,116 [GRUNTS] 618 00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,287 Ah. 619 00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,540 What do you say, honey? Uhn! 620 00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:26,835 In spite of all the little problems, it really is fun, isn't it? 621 00:42:27,003 --> 00:42:28,336 No. 622 00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:31,882 But with every new day there's fresh hope. 623 00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,802 Hey, kids, let's go. 624 00:42:35,970 --> 00:42:38,054 We're losing daylight here. 625 00:42:38,681 --> 00:42:40,056 Hey, did you walk him? 626 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:42,851 Yeah. He took a big one on Aunt Edna's blanket. 627 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:45,687 -Good boy. EDNA: Help! 628 00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:48,148 Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt Edna. I'll take the leash. 629 00:42:48,316 --> 00:42:49,900 [DOG GROWLS THEN BARKS] 630 00:42:50,693 --> 00:42:52,652 CLARK: Uh-oh, uh-oh. 631 00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,197 Roll over. Ow. 632 00:42:56,449 --> 00:42:57,491 Dinky. 633 00:42:57,909 --> 00:43:00,660 Ow! You're tearing my flesh! 634 00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:04,539 Good morning, Edna. Ah! No, Dinky. Sit. Roll over. 635 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,751 Ah. Ah, ow! 636 00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:09,878 Audrey, you're next. 637 00:43:10,046 --> 00:43:11,838 -No way, José. -Hey, Audrey. 638 00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,215 [SNlFFS] 639 00:43:13,382 --> 00:43:14,424 What's the problem? 640 00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:18,386 Ma, l had to sit next to Aunt Edna last time. She smells like mothballs. 641 00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:19,679 Anyway, it's her turn. 642 00:43:19,847 --> 00:43:23,767 For your information, Rusty slept in his underpants last night. 643 00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:26,603 -Yeah, I did. -Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out. 644 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:30,357 Everybody in the car, boat leaves in two minutes. 645 00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:34,194 Or perhaps, you don't want to see the second-largest ball of twine on earth. 646 00:43:34,362 --> 00:43:36,029 Which is only four short hours away. 647 00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:37,822 [CHUCKLES] 648 00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:43,411 [RATTLING] 649 00:43:43,579 --> 00:43:45,455 Sweetie, do you hear that rattle? 650 00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:48,625 -Where is it coming from? -Beats the heck out of me. 651 00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:52,379 I've been looking for it ever since we left. It's driving me crazy. 652 00:43:52,838 --> 00:43:55,465 RUSTY: God, Dad, check it out behind you. 653 00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,509 Oh, shoot. Now what have we done? 654 00:43:57,677 --> 00:43:58,718 [SIREN WAILlNG] 655 00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:00,470 -Will you hold my purse? -Huh? 656 00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,806 Just hold my purse. 657 00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:09,980 [SIREN STOPS] 658 00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,828 Hello, officer. What's the problem? 659 00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:29,541 Get out of the car. 660 00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:38,258 I don't think l was speeding. Was I weaving? 661 00:44:38,426 --> 00:44:40,427 Shut your mouth, sir. 662 00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:45,557 If l wasn't in uniform, l'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver... 663 00:44:45,725 --> 00:44:48,393 ...faster than you could say "police brutality." 664 00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:52,314 Well, officer, whatever it is I've done, I'm sure l can explain. 665 00:44:56,444 --> 00:44:58,903 Explain this, you son of a bitch. 666 00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:00,989 Oh, my God. 667 00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:06,536 Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state? 668 00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:08,288 No, sir, l don't. 669 00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:10,040 Well.... 670 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,292 It's probably pretty stiff. 671 00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:15,754 You can't think I'd do this on purpose, sir. 672 00:45:15,921 --> 00:45:19,591 Look, l tied him to the rear bumper when l was packing the car. 673 00:45:19,759 --> 00:45:22,552 It was very confusing, l must've forgot. 674 00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:26,431 I'm very sorry. I feel terrible. 675 00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:29,517 How do you think that little dog feels? 676 00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:32,854 [SHlVERS] 677 00:45:34,190 --> 00:45:37,942 Look, l told you l was sorry. It really was an accident. 678 00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:42,906 Yeah. l guess l can buy that, sir. 679 00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,033 But it is a shame. 680 00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:48,328 I had a pooch like this when I was a kid. 681 00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:52,165 [VOICE BREAKlNG] Poor little guy. 682 00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:55,251 He probably kept up with you for a mile or so. 683 00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:58,004 -Tough little mutt. -Tough. 684 00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:00,382 -Yeah. -Yeah. 685 00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:10,725 EDNA: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. 686 00:46:10,893 --> 00:46:14,604 You've been exceeding the speed limit for thousands of miles. 687 00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:17,607 Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot-- 688 00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:20,568 -He was speeding, Rusty. RUSTY: No, he wasn't, Mom. 689 00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:23,363 Russ! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. 690 00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:24,906 I was driving like a maniac. 691 00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,575 We can all be grateful to this man for stopping us. 692 00:46:27,743 --> 00:46:29,452 -You see, a car-- -Here's the leash. 693 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:32,247 I'm going to get the rest of the carcass off the road. 694 00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:34,165 -Thank you, officer. -See you. 695 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,917 Have a nice day. 696 00:46:36,669 --> 00:46:38,044 [EDNA WHIMPERING] 697 00:46:49,056 --> 00:46:51,766 EDNA: This your idea of a good restaurant? 698 00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:54,018 Dog killer. 699 00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:56,479 ELLEN: I'm sure the food is just fine. 700 00:46:56,647 --> 00:46:58,857 Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it. 701 00:46:59,024 --> 00:47:00,358 WOMAN: Thank you. CLARK: Thank you. 702 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:03,611 Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm. 703 00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:07,699 Waitress. 704 00:47:11,579 --> 00:47:13,580 [SNORING] 705 00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:01,544 [HORN HONKlNG] 706 00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:11,888 [EXCLAlMS] 707 00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,562 What happened? 708 00:48:20,815 --> 00:48:23,274 What happened to your hair? 709 00:48:23,818 --> 00:48:25,151 You're sweating. 710 00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:28,404 -Are you blushing? -Don't be silly. 711 00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,073 Are you all right, Clark? 712 00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:32,450 Hell, yes. l'm fine. l'm having a ball. 713 00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:39,040 [SIGHS] 714 00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:42,085 Come on, honey, look at the mountains, breathe the air. 715 00:48:42,253 --> 00:48:43,795 [INHALES DEEPLY] 716 00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:45,088 [EXHALES] 717 00:48:45,256 --> 00:48:47,924 Put on a happy face for me. 718 00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:55,932 I guess there's not much more that can happen to us. 719 00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:58,560 I think the worst is behind us. 720 00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:01,354 [THUDDlNG] 721 00:49:06,986 --> 00:49:09,529 ELLEN: Clark, l need my vanity case. 722 00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:11,781 We've got to go back and look for it. 723 00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,616 All my credit cards are in it. 724 00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:17,453 Honey, number one, l've already called the bank and told them you've lost them. 725 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:20,957 B, there's no way we're gonna find it. We don't know where it fell off. 726 00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:24,794 And three, I've got my credit cards and we've still got plenty of cash. Okay? 727 00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:27,714 No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie... 728 00:49:27,882 --> 00:49:31,467 ...and everything has cost twice as much as you figured out. 729 00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:34,178 There's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced. 730 00:49:34,346 --> 00:49:36,389 Except for your diaphragm. 731 00:49:36,557 --> 00:49:38,933 We can always cash a check down the road. 732 00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:40,685 Don't you trust me? 733 00:49:40,853 --> 00:49:44,480 As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper. 734 00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:48,985 That hurt, Ellen. 735 00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:53,323 ELLEN: Clark, l think we're lost. CLARK: We're not lost. 736 00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:55,491 Will you please let me do the driving? 737 00:49:55,659 --> 00:49:59,996 ELLEN: I honestly don't think you're gonna find the Grand Canyon on this road. 738 00:50:00,164 --> 00:50:02,790 CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest goddamn hole in the world. 739 00:50:02,958 --> 00:50:04,792 EDNA: Clark, watch your language. 740 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,711 CLARK: Make that the second-biggest. 741 00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,672 Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour. 742 00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,592 Shut up, Audrey. You don't think Dad knows where he's going? 743 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,011 -Thank you, Russ. -You're lost. 744 00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:19,849 -l saw some detour signs. CLARK: l didn't see any. 745 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:23,269 I saw them when you and Mom were trying to fold the map. 746 00:50:23,437 --> 00:50:26,648 When they close a road they put up big signs. Like this one. 747 00:50:26,815 --> 00:50:28,024 [ALL SCREAM] 748 00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:41,371 [TlRES BURST] 749 00:50:43,248 --> 00:50:45,875 [GROANING] 750 00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,006 -l think l broke my nose. -l stabbed my brain. 751 00:50:52,174 --> 00:50:54,717 I just got my period. 752 00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:57,011 I'd better check under the hood. 753 00:51:09,525 --> 00:51:12,026 ELLEN: Audrey, gather up the clothes and put them in a pile. 754 00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:15,488 Rusty, find the first-aid kit, then get the suitcases. 755 00:51:15,656 --> 00:51:17,657 Mom, where can I go to the bathroom? 756 00:51:18,409 --> 00:51:20,368 Find a bush, Audrey. 757 00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:25,289 RUSTY: Dad, you must've jumped this thing about 50 yards. 758 00:51:25,457 --> 00:51:28,459 CLARK: It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty. 759 00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,962 Fifty yards. Heh. 760 00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:35,258 EDNA: Ellen! Ellen, get me out of here. 761 00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:37,844 Stay in the car. It's hot and dangerous out here. 762 00:51:38,012 --> 00:51:41,180 Don't you tell me what to do. I'll do what I want. 763 00:51:41,348 --> 00:51:43,933 I should never have come on this trip with you. 764 00:51:44,101 --> 00:51:45,643 I should have taken an airplane. 765 00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:49,605 And he-- He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile. 766 00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:53,109 He should be behind bars. 767 00:51:53,277 --> 00:51:56,738 Sit down and shut up. 768 00:52:02,995 --> 00:52:06,414 Move out of that seat, and l'll split your lip. 769 00:52:13,839 --> 00:52:16,215 Rusty, come on up here. 770 00:52:16,383 --> 00:52:18,301 Hello, Russ. 771 00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:21,179 I'm gonna hike down the road to find a service station. 772 00:52:21,346 --> 00:52:24,640 I want you to stay here and take care of things. 773 00:52:24,808 --> 00:52:28,644 -You'll be okay, Dad? -Oh, sure, sure, sure. 774 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,940 You know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you man to man, Russ. 775 00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:34,859 Well, l've only been a man a few days, Dad. 776 00:52:35,027 --> 00:52:37,487 [CHUCKLES] 777 00:52:37,654 --> 00:52:40,406 You're growing up so damn fast. 778 00:52:40,783 --> 00:52:42,909 I've spent the last 1 5 years of my life... 779 00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:46,788 ...developing newer and better food additives. 780 00:52:47,081 --> 00:52:49,749 I guess I've missed an awful lot. 781 00:52:51,376 --> 00:52:54,128 At first, I didn't want to take this vacation. 782 00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:56,798 But now l'm glad I did. 783 00:52:56,965 --> 00:53:00,510 It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time with you and.... 784 00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:03,179 -Audrey. -Audrey. Yeah. 785 00:53:03,889 --> 00:53:05,098 [SIGHS] 786 00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:08,059 You know, it's been real fun for me, too, Dad. Really. 787 00:53:08,227 --> 00:53:10,394 Except for Aunt Edna. 788 00:53:10,562 --> 00:53:12,897 Oh, she doesn't mean to be a pain in the rump. 789 00:53:13,065 --> 00:53:14,857 It's just the way she is. 790 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:18,277 -Let's not let it spoil our fun. -l won't. 791 00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:21,614 You know, maybe she'd be nicer if she had a family of her own. 792 00:53:21,782 --> 00:53:25,993 You know, instead of always having to glom onto someone else's. 793 00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:29,831 You're a pretty bright little guy. 794 00:53:29,998 --> 00:53:31,833 Excuse me. Man. 795 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,376 [CHUCKLES] 796 00:53:34,169 --> 00:53:35,795 [SOBS] 797 00:53:36,964 --> 00:53:38,506 It's okay, Dad. 798 00:53:40,217 --> 00:53:41,968 You know what l wanna do? 799 00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:47,181 When I was your age, my dad shared a beer with me... 800 00:53:47,349 --> 00:53:49,809 ...and l thought it was the best thing in the world. 801 00:53:55,691 --> 00:53:56,858 Ahh.... 802 00:53:59,903 --> 00:54:01,070 [SIGHS] 803 00:54:01,238 --> 00:54:04,907 When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. 804 00:54:05,617 --> 00:54:07,952 And you know, in 1 8 years... 805 00:54:08,245 --> 00:54:10,037 ...we never had fun. 806 00:54:12,332 --> 00:54:14,000 But now l have my own family. 807 00:54:14,168 --> 00:54:15,585 And we're on our own vacation. 808 00:54:15,752 --> 00:54:18,379 -And you know something, Russ? -What, Dad? 809 00:54:19,590 --> 00:54:27,263 We're gonna have fun. 810 00:54:27,764 --> 00:54:28,806 [BURPS] 811 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:33,978 Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer on your breath. She'll take it out on me. 812 00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:39,192 Well, l better get a move on if I want to get us out of here by dark. 813 00:54:41,653 --> 00:54:42,862 Good talk, son. 814 00:54:43,030 --> 00:54:44,780 Good talk, Dad. 815 00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:47,116 Clark? 816 00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:55,833 I just had a good talk with Rusty. You'll be in good hands here, honey. 817 00:54:57,502 --> 00:54:59,170 Where are you going? 818 00:54:59,338 --> 00:55:02,965 There's gotta be a phone or a gas station around here somewhere, honey. 819 00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,928 All right, but if you're not back in an hour.... 820 00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:10,097 I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm sure this happens all the time. 821 00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:12,558 A patrol car will be by any minute. 822 00:55:13,769 --> 00:55:15,811 CLARK [SINGlNG]: Over the river and through the woods 823 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:17,772 To Grandmother's house we go Ho! 824 00:55:18,690 --> 00:55:22,693 A thousand bottles of beer on the wall A thousand bottles of beer 825 00:55:24,529 --> 00:55:26,572 Four bottles of beer 826 00:55:26,740 --> 00:55:28,824 lf one of those bottles should happen to fall 827 00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:32,245 I love a parade 828 00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:36,374 The trampling of feet I love every beat l hear of a drum 829 00:55:36,541 --> 00:55:38,960 I love a parade 830 00:55:39,127 --> 00:55:40,169 [COUGHS] 831 00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:43,256 I hear a band I just wanna stand 832 00:55:48,804 --> 00:55:53,307 CLARK: We pass a goddamn gas station every 1 00 yards for 1 ,000 miles. 833 00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:56,519 But when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. 834 00:55:56,687 --> 00:55:59,188 This is no way to run a desert. 835 00:55:59,356 --> 00:56:02,400 Jesus. l'm gonna die. That's it! l'm dying. 836 00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:05,278 What an asshole. 837 00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:12,618 CLARK: Taxi. Taxi? Taxi! 838 00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:14,245 Dead. I'm dead. 839 00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:17,581 Taxi! Here boy. 840 00:56:17,833 --> 00:56:21,711 Heat. The heat. I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished. 841 00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:23,963 [GRUNTlNG] 842 00:56:24,131 --> 00:56:25,589 Hot. Hot. 843 00:56:33,974 --> 00:56:35,808 Hot wrist. 844 00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:41,272 [MUTTERING] 845 00:56:43,233 --> 00:56:45,401 Mom, Mommy? 846 00:56:47,779 --> 00:56:51,574 [SCREAMlNG] 847 00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,870 ELLEN: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. 848 00:56:56,038 --> 00:56:58,289 All I know is the man was a saint with children... 849 00:56:58,457 --> 00:57:00,249 ...and a genius with food additives... 850 00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:02,418 ...and he was-- Clark! 851 00:57:02,586 --> 00:57:03,794 [IN HOARSE VOlCE] Ellen! 852 00:57:03,962 --> 00:57:05,713 [ELLEN SCREAMS] 853 00:57:05,881 --> 00:57:07,715 -l was so worried. -Russ. 854 00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:09,842 ELLEN: What are you doing? -Russ, Russ! 855 00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,762 Audrey? Audrey. 856 00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,264 Have you grown? 857 00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:17,767 ELLEN: Are you all right? -l feel fine. 858 00:57:17,934 --> 00:57:19,685 What happened? How did you get here? 859 00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:23,064 Well, these two nice lndians and a man on a camel called a tow truck. 860 00:57:23,231 --> 00:57:25,566 -Daddy's back. -A camel? 861 00:57:25,734 --> 00:57:28,110 A camel. Hey, kids, are you thirsty? 862 00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,364 -Yeah, I bet you are, too. -You said it. 863 00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:35,618 [HORN HONKlNG] 864 00:57:51,009 --> 00:57:54,303 Okay. What do l owe you? 865 00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,890 Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. 866 00:57:58,058 --> 00:58:00,976 You must have got manure for your brains. 867 00:58:01,144 --> 00:58:03,771 Yes, well, l'm from out of town. 868 00:58:03,939 --> 00:58:05,648 What's the bill? 869 00:58:05,816 --> 00:58:07,608 [CHUCKLES] 870 00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:11,529 Come on, come on. How much? 871 00:58:11,696 --> 00:58:12,988 How much you got? 872 00:58:13,156 --> 00:58:15,616 No, I'm asking how much the repairs are. 873 00:58:15,784 --> 00:58:18,828 And l'm asking you, how much you got? 874 00:58:20,455 --> 00:58:22,206 You're out of your mind. 875 00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:25,042 I don't have time to play around. How much is it? 876 00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:27,795 All of it, boy. 877 00:58:29,381 --> 00:58:31,382 What does your sheriff think of your business practices? 878 00:58:31,550 --> 00:58:33,259 [LAUGHlNG] 879 00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:56,866 Audrey, honey, how much babysitting money do you have? 880 00:58:57,033 --> 00:58:59,201 -How come? -How much? 881 00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:00,453 What's the matter? 882 00:59:00,620 --> 00:59:05,124 Nothing. I just spent $500 on four bald tires and a tow. 883 00:59:05,292 --> 00:59:06,667 How much do you have, Audrey? 884 00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:10,963 -Thirty-five. -She has $40, Dad. 885 00:59:11,131 --> 00:59:13,841 How would you know unless you went in my purse, you sneak? 886 00:59:14,009 --> 00:59:16,510 Have you been going through her private property? 887 00:59:16,678 --> 00:59:19,054 I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. 888 00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:20,890 We need money. 889 00:59:21,892 --> 00:59:23,851 Edna, how much do you have? 890 00:59:24,019 --> 00:59:25,728 She's asleep, Clark. 891 00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,647 Russ, wanna look through Edna's purse? 892 00:59:28,815 --> 00:59:30,608 Clark. 893 00:59:36,031 --> 00:59:37,573 CLARK: Unzip it, Russ. 894 00:59:41,578 --> 00:59:44,205 RUSTY: She has 1 1 cents, Dad. -Terrific. 895 00:59:44,372 --> 00:59:46,916 ELLEN: The motel will cash your check. 896 00:59:47,083 --> 00:59:49,043 They better. We're gonna run out of gas. 897 00:59:53,798 --> 00:59:57,551 I'm sorry, sir. I can't accept this credit card. 898 00:59:57,719 --> 01:00:00,763 -Why not? -The computer says it's been reported lost. 899 01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:05,267 Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards in Colorado and l had to report it. 900 01:00:05,435 --> 01:00:08,270 The computer is probably saying I lost mine, which I haven't. 901 01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:11,524 Well, you'll have to straighten that out with your bank. 902 01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:14,985 -Would you take a personal check? -For how much? 903 01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:17,696 -Three-hundred dollars. -l can't do that, sir. 904 01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:20,449 I've lost all my cash. We're on our way to California. 905 01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:23,827 -Walley World? -Yeah. Walley World. 906 01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,705 And l'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. 907 01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:30,960 -You know, l'd really appreciate it. -Not without a major credit card. 908 01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:35,965 I have $6.1 3 to my name... 909 01:00:36,132 --> 01:00:38,801 ...so l can see we're gonna have to work something out. 910 01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:41,220 I've already told you I can't accept a check... 911 01:00:41,388 --> 01:00:43,013 ...without a major credit card. 912 01:00:43,181 --> 01:00:45,224 I'm making this out for $1 ,000. 913 01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:50,145 All you have to do is give me $300 in cash, and keep $700... 914 01:00:50,313 --> 01:00:53,816 ...all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep. 915 01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:56,652 The only thing I can do... 916 01:00:56,820 --> 01:00:59,780 ...is have you stay here until the check clears. 917 01:00:59,948 --> 01:01:02,408 Ten working days. 918 01:01:29,144 --> 01:01:32,146 Okay, let's go, come on. Ha-ha. Where is Edna? 919 01:01:32,314 --> 01:01:34,732 -She's in the car. -Good. Come on, get in the car. 920 01:01:34,899 --> 01:01:37,901 Don't you want to look at the Grand Canyon? 921 01:01:39,321 --> 01:01:41,405 Great, let's go. 922 01:01:51,416 --> 01:01:53,459 Rusty, up and at them. 923 01:01:54,502 --> 01:01:55,753 What? 924 01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,672 Crack open those sandwiches I got at the gas station. 925 01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,176 I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha. 926 01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:05,054 There's one for everyone. 927 01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:09,183 Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna. It's time for her to eat and take her pill. 928 01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:11,852 Please, get off me. 929 01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:14,313 Mom, tell Audrey to quit pushing Aunt Edna on me. 930 01:02:14,481 --> 01:02:16,774 I'm sick of her lying on me all the time. 931 01:02:17,233 --> 01:02:19,234 Be quiet. 932 01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:22,863 -Auntie? -Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix. 933 01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:25,949 -Let her be, she's fine. -She's not fine. 934 01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:28,327 CLARK: She's fine. Don't be silly. 935 01:02:28,495 --> 01:02:30,954 She's not fine, Clark. 936 01:02:31,122 --> 01:02:32,331 She's dead. 937 01:02:32,582 --> 01:02:34,249 [TlRES SQUEALING] 938 01:02:39,339 --> 01:02:40,381 [CLARK MUTTERING] 939 01:02:40,548 --> 01:02:42,758 AUDREY: She breathed on me. A dead person breathed on me. 940 01:02:42,926 --> 01:02:45,511 RUSTY: Her hand touched me. She's stiff already. Ugh. 941 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:49,932 CLARK: Ugh. 942 01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:58,774 Goddamn it, anyway. 943 01:03:08,326 --> 01:03:11,954 She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. 944 01:03:13,248 --> 01:03:15,833 What are we going to do, Clark? 945 01:03:18,294 --> 01:03:20,629 We could leave her here. The first phone we pass... 946 01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:23,465 ...we could call your cousin and he could come and get her. 947 01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:25,342 That's the meanest, coldest-- 948 01:03:25,510 --> 01:03:27,720 What do you want me to do, call Federal Express? 949 01:03:27,887 --> 01:03:30,389 We don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? 950 01:03:30,557 --> 01:03:31,932 Please say we don't. 951 01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:34,309 It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie to find her. 952 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,937 All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards. 953 01:03:37,105 --> 01:03:40,524 Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's, for Pete's sake. 954 01:03:40,692 --> 01:03:44,319 I just didn't want to get caught up in a funeral, inquests and all that crap. 955 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:49,783 You are the most self-centered, egotistical, manipulative-- 956 01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:52,327 Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen. 957 01:03:52,495 --> 01:03:54,913 I'm being practical. If we drove straight through... 958 01:03:55,081 --> 01:03:58,125 ...we'd have three days at Walley World at best. Three. 959 01:04:00,712 --> 01:04:03,172 She can't weigh more than 1 00 pounds. 960 01:04:03,423 --> 01:04:06,383 Oh, no. You can't put her up on that roof. 961 01:04:06,551 --> 01:04:07,760 Yes, he can. 962 01:04:07,927 --> 01:04:11,847 You want me to strap her to the hood? What's the difference? She'll be fine. 963 01:04:12,015 --> 01:04:14,516 It's not as if it's going to rain or something. 964 01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:17,686 [THUNDER CRASHlNG] 965 01:04:41,002 --> 01:04:44,755 ELLEN: This is terrible. Ugh. 966 01:04:44,923 --> 01:04:47,341 What a nightmare. 967 01:05:00,814 --> 01:05:02,815 [RlNGlNG DOORBELL] 968 01:05:03,191 --> 01:05:05,567 Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying. 969 01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:08,403 How about if I ask him to play twenty questions? 970 01:05:11,032 --> 01:05:12,533 [RlNGlNG DOORBELL] 971 01:05:16,496 --> 01:05:20,707 -Oh, for Christ's sake, he isn't even home. -Maybe the neighbors know where he is. 972 01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:24,753 -Moron knows we're coming and isn't home. -Normie's always been flighty. 973 01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:27,464 -He's always been a jag-off. -Will you watch your mouth? 974 01:05:27,632 --> 01:05:29,091 There's a note. 975 01:05:30,426 --> 01:05:33,345 "Have gone to Flagstaff. Be back on Monday." 976 01:05:33,972 --> 01:05:35,639 Jeez, what a worm. 977 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:59,288 ELLEN: Oh-- Darn, it's locked. 978 01:06:03,293 --> 01:06:05,210 Okay, let's go. 979 01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:08,088 We can't leave her on the patio. 980 01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:12,467 You rather l slip her in the night-deposit box at the funeral home? Come on. 981 01:06:12,635 --> 01:06:14,970 It's raining all over her. 982 01:06:15,138 --> 01:06:17,806 She can't catch a cold now, Mom. 983 01:06:18,641 --> 01:06:21,393 Clark, we have to at least say something. 984 01:06:21,561 --> 01:06:24,354 Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads. 985 01:06:24,981 --> 01:06:26,565 Oh, God. 986 01:06:27,775 --> 01:06:30,736 Ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. 987 01:06:30,904 --> 01:06:35,699 Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms and the flock... 988 01:06:35,867 --> 01:06:37,951 ...in thine heavenly area up there. 989 01:06:39,829 --> 01:06:43,749 And Moab he laidest down behind the land of the Canaanites. 990 01:06:43,917 --> 01:06:47,544 And, yea, though the Hindus speak of karma-- 991 01:06:47,712 --> 01:06:49,880 -Clark. -l implore you... 992 01:06:50,048 --> 01:06:52,591 -...give her a break. -Clark. 993 01:06:53,051 --> 01:06:55,052 [SINGlNG] 994 01:06:58,848 --> 01:07:01,683 Clark, this is a serious matter. I'll do it myself. 995 01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:06,063 Honey, l'm not an ordained minister. I'm doing my best, okay? 996 01:07:06,564 --> 01:07:10,192 Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts. 997 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,195 -Let's not overdo it, Mom. -Shut up. 998 01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:15,822 We know she deserves better than this... 999 01:07:15,990 --> 01:07:20,118 ...but my husband wants his beloved family to get to Walley World... 1000 01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,870 ...to have their vacation. 1001 01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:24,998 I hope you understand. Have mercy on his soul. 1002 01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:27,459 Amen. Let's go. Come on. 1003 01:07:27,627 --> 01:07:30,671 I hope you kids have learned something about life and death. 1004 01:07:30,838 --> 01:07:34,007 AUDREY: Yeah. Don't die unless somebody's home. 1005 01:07:35,718 --> 01:07:39,054 Normie will understand when he sees the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve. 1006 01:07:39,222 --> 01:07:43,225 Sure. You left his dead mother tied to a lawn chair in his backyard. 1007 01:07:43,393 --> 01:07:45,477 I'm sure he won't mind. 1008 01:07:45,645 --> 01:07:47,562 Look, it's all over and done with. 1009 01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:50,983 We'll find a place to stay and start fresh in the morning. It's fine. 1010 01:07:51,150 --> 01:07:53,944 I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home. 1011 01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:55,904 I don't want to go to Walley World. 1012 01:07:56,072 --> 01:07:59,783 Clark, under the circumstances, I wouldn't mind if we just went home. 1013 01:07:59,951 --> 01:08:02,661 In retrospect, it seems like a pretty bad idea driving out. 1014 01:08:02,829 --> 01:08:04,871 It's been one disaster after another. 1015 01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,916 Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad. 1016 01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:10,252 Maybe we can try it some other time. 1017 01:08:10,420 --> 01:08:14,423 -Walley World's overrated anyway. -What do you think? 1018 01:08:14,590 --> 01:08:16,508 [TlRES SQUEAL 1019 01:08:18,177 --> 01:08:20,262 I think you're all fucked in the head. 1020 01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,974 We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. 1021 01:08:24,142 --> 01:08:26,935 Well, l'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. 1022 01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,563 It's a quest. lt's a quest for fun. 1023 01:08:30,314 --> 01:08:32,399 I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. 1024 01:08:32,567 --> 01:08:34,526 We're all gonna have so much fucking fun... 1025 01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:37,571 ...we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. 1026 01:08:37,739 --> 01:08:41,199 You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah" out of your assholes. 1027 01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:42,492 [LAUGHS] 1028 01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:45,704 I gotta be crazy. l'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. 1029 01:08:45,872 --> 01:08:49,708 Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit. 1030 01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:52,627 Dad, do you want an aspirin or something? 1031 01:08:53,463 --> 01:08:54,629 Don't touch. 1032 01:09:09,187 --> 01:09:11,146 Next time you have one of your outbursts... 1033 01:09:11,314 --> 01:09:14,316 ...l'd appreciate if you'd have some consideration for your kids. 1034 01:09:14,484 --> 01:09:16,735 -What are you talking about? -You don't know? 1035 01:09:16,903 --> 01:09:20,072 All I know is l'm trying to treat my family to a little fun. 1036 01:09:20,239 --> 01:09:22,657 Spare me, Clark. I know your brand of family fun. 1037 01:09:22,825 --> 01:09:26,036 Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's... 1038 01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:30,457 ...and drive us a thousand miles out of the way to see the world's largest ball of mud. 1039 01:09:30,625 --> 01:09:32,918 You know what your problem is, Ellen? 1040 01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:38,048 You have a knack for looking at the dark side of things. That's your problem. 1041 01:09:39,383 --> 01:09:41,802 You wouldn't know a good time if it bit you. 1042 01:09:41,969 --> 01:09:44,846 -Where are you going? -What do you care? 1043 01:09:50,019 --> 01:09:51,561 [PIANO PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSIC] 1044 01:09:51,729 --> 01:09:53,730 [PEOPLE CHATTERlNG] 1045 01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:18,547 [INAUDIBLE DlALOGUE] 1046 01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:18,315 Waiting for someone? 1047 01:11:19,150 --> 01:11:22,485 No. Ahem. Do you mind if l sit down? 1048 01:11:22,653 --> 01:11:23,987 [CHUCKLES] 1049 01:11:24,322 --> 01:11:26,239 Fancy seeing you here. 1050 01:11:26,782 --> 01:11:29,576 Having a nice little family vacation? 1051 01:11:32,163 --> 01:11:34,706 [CHUCKLlNG] Oh. No. 1052 01:11:34,874 --> 01:11:37,709 It would appear so, wouldn't it? No, no. 1053 01:11:37,877 --> 01:11:41,504 No, the truth of it is, and this is highly confidential... 1054 01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:44,049 ...l own this motel. 1055 01:11:45,051 --> 01:11:49,054 Own the whole chain, nationwide. Twenty-two hundred units. 1056 01:11:50,264 --> 01:11:53,850 Yeah, once a year, I travel across the country, incognito. 1057 01:11:54,018 --> 01:11:56,561 Check things out, and see how the operation is running. 1058 01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,272 I thought you were gonna say you worked for the CIA. 1059 01:11:59,732 --> 01:12:01,441 [LAUGHS] 1060 01:12:02,109 --> 01:12:04,736 -That's an old bit, huh? -Really. 1061 01:12:04,904 --> 01:12:07,781 Oh, no. No, l'm not with the ClA. 1062 01:12:07,949 --> 01:12:10,825 I was, but that was a long time ago. 1063 01:12:10,993 --> 01:12:13,578 I don't like to talk about it, really. 1064 01:12:13,955 --> 01:12:17,207 No, I'm mostly interested in my motels now. 1065 01:12:17,375 --> 01:12:20,085 -And my airline. -That's great. 1066 01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,504 I'm just trying to have a little fun. 1067 01:12:22,672 --> 01:12:24,839 It's too bad you're married. 1068 01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,967 I'm in the mood for some fun. 1069 01:12:27,677 --> 01:12:29,094 Married? 1070 01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:31,846 Oh, you mean those people l'm with? 1071 01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:34,099 That's my brother's family. 1072 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,767 My brother's ring. 1073 01:12:35,935 --> 01:12:39,771 I usually borrow them on these little inspection tours of mine. 1074 01:12:40,523 --> 01:12:44,567 It sort of helps to complete the disguise. It's fun for them. 1075 01:12:44,735 --> 01:12:48,071 It's a good disguise. I like the station-wagon effect. 1076 01:12:48,239 --> 01:12:51,283 Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it. 1077 01:12:51,450 --> 01:12:56,496 You know, in order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk. 1078 01:12:58,291 --> 01:13:02,544 You know, stop at all the stupid sites and look like a fool. 1079 01:13:03,170 --> 01:13:05,463 Basically, be yourself? 1080 01:13:05,631 --> 01:13:07,215 Yeah. 1081 01:13:07,717 --> 01:13:09,843 You like the disguise? 1082 01:13:13,806 --> 01:13:18,226 CLARK: Yeah, my credo is, if you have to have a credo... 1083 01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:21,104 ...you know, "Go for it," pretty much. 1084 01:13:21,272 --> 01:13:25,608 You only go around this crazy merry-go-round once. You know? 1085 01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:28,445 -l agree. -Yeah. 1086 01:13:31,198 --> 01:13:33,116 [INHALES SHARPLY] 1087 01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,535 Yeah, that's my credo. 1088 01:13:39,248 --> 01:13:42,167 You don't have to have a credo, but.... 1089 01:13:42,335 --> 01:13:43,626 If the fur fits, wear it. 1090 01:13:43,794 --> 01:13:47,297 A penny saved, pennies from heaven. 1091 01:13:47,465 --> 01:13:51,217 My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha... 1092 01:13:54,305 --> 01:13:58,350 ...um, you know, a penny saved, and.... 1093 01:13:58,517 --> 01:14:00,018 Thank you. 1094 01:14:00,186 --> 01:14:01,770 WATER SPLASHlNG] 1095 01:14:04,482 --> 01:14:06,941 Wow. This feels great. 1096 01:14:09,362 --> 01:14:10,653 Well... 1097 01:14:10,821 --> 01:14:12,781 ...are you gonna go for it? 1098 01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:15,200 Uh-- Here? 1099 01:14:15,368 --> 01:14:17,327 For starters, sure. 1100 01:14:17,495 --> 01:14:20,497 Why not? Don't you swim? 1101 01:14:20,664 --> 01:14:22,457 Oh, sure. Ha-ha. 1102 01:14:22,625 --> 01:14:27,712 Sure, l took third in the state finals in my senior year. 1103 01:14:28,089 --> 01:14:30,673 Yeah, l swim. Heck, yes. 1104 01:14:30,841 --> 01:14:34,094 Oh, yeah, I feel completely at ease in the water. 1105 01:14:34,261 --> 01:14:36,638 Yeah, l.... 1106 01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,765 I'm proficient in many strokes and l dive. 1107 01:14:38,933 --> 01:14:41,893 As a matter of fact, I could've been in the Olympics. 1108 01:14:42,645 --> 01:14:47,023 Yeah, uh.... Yeah, l'll be right there. 1109 01:14:47,733 --> 01:14:49,192 Yeah. 1110 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:53,238 This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy. 1111 01:14:53,823 --> 01:14:55,240 [EXHALES] 1112 01:14:55,408 --> 01:14:57,617 -How's the water? -Exhilarating. 1113 01:14:58,702 --> 01:15:01,871 I'm in deep, I'm in deep. 1114 01:15:06,043 --> 01:15:07,877 Ah! Cold! 1115 01:15:08,045 --> 01:15:11,089 Jesus. Fuck. Ah! 1116 01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:13,341 Clark? 1117 01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:14,759 CLARK: Cold! 1118 01:15:15,719 --> 01:15:17,303 Jesus! Ah! 1119 01:15:25,312 --> 01:15:26,980 Clark? 1120 01:15:27,565 --> 01:15:30,066 -Hi, honey. -What are you doing? 1121 01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:31,401 Uh-- Swimming. 1122 01:15:31,569 --> 01:15:34,863 Yeah, my back was killing me. 1123 01:15:35,030 --> 01:15:38,908 I thought, you know, a good hot swim would loosen up the muscles. 1124 01:15:39,076 --> 01:15:42,203 Why go to the car and get the bathing suit? Jump right in. 1125 01:15:42,913 --> 01:15:44,747 It's exhilarating. 1126 01:15:44,915 --> 01:15:48,960 Guess what, honey? This person here was here. 1127 01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:51,504 I didn't see this person... 1128 01:15:51,672 --> 01:15:55,216 ...so l screamed, that's why l yelled. I was so surprised. 1129 01:15:55,384 --> 01:15:57,886 You can imagine, can't you, honey? 1130 01:16:01,849 --> 01:16:02,891 Honey? 1131 01:16:03,058 --> 01:16:04,267 [DOOR CLOSES] 1132 01:16:13,736 --> 01:16:15,111 Uh.... 1133 01:16:16,071 --> 01:16:17,906 Will you excuse me? 1134 01:16:18,073 --> 01:16:19,282 If you have to go. 1135 01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:23,495 Well, l'd stay if l weren't married, but I am. 1136 01:16:23,662 --> 01:16:25,246 I know. 1137 01:16:25,748 --> 01:16:30,251 -l hope l didn't spoil your evening. -No, it's been interesting. 1138 01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:33,087 Well, enjoy the rest of your trip. 1139 01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,881 You, too. 1140 01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:40,762 [ALL CHATTERING] 1141 01:16:43,599 --> 01:16:45,934 I can't believe this. 1142 01:16:46,685 --> 01:16:50,146 I am so humiliated. 1143 01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:54,275 Cut it out, Audrey. You don't even know how to inhale. 1144 01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:55,902 So? 1145 01:16:56,070 --> 01:16:58,196 Maybe I don't want to. 1146 01:16:58,364 --> 01:17:00,740 You're such a dork, Audrey. 1147 01:17:01,784 --> 01:17:04,410 How can he do this to Mom? 1148 01:17:04,954 --> 01:17:07,163 They'll probably get a divorce. 1149 01:17:07,331 --> 01:17:08,831 I'd better go talk to him. 1150 01:17:13,712 --> 01:17:15,797 -Hey, squirt. -Hey, Dad. 1151 01:17:15,965 --> 01:17:17,048 What are you doing up? 1152 01:17:18,300 --> 01:17:20,176 You woke the whole motel up, Dad. 1153 01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:23,054 Oh. Ha-ha-ha. 1154 01:17:23,222 --> 01:17:24,931 I was swimming. 1155 01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:26,349 Yeah, l saw you. 1156 01:17:28,477 --> 01:17:30,311 Russ, come here a minute. 1157 01:17:31,981 --> 01:17:33,022 [SIGHS] 1158 01:17:33,190 --> 01:17:34,357 Russ... 1159 01:17:34,525 --> 01:17:37,402 ...you know l wouldn't do anything to hurt your mom. 1160 01:17:38,821 --> 01:17:41,322 It's been a long drive... 1161 01:17:42,324 --> 01:17:43,658 ...and, jeez, I work.... 1162 01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:47,996 I work very hard for you and Audrey and your mom. 1163 01:17:50,416 --> 01:17:54,586 I guess when you get older you get these feelings... 1164 01:17:55,129 --> 01:17:59,465 ...and these feelings make you do things you wouldn't normally do. 1165 01:17:59,925 --> 01:18:03,428 -Like swimming naked with girls? -Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls. 1166 01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:06,347 Well, not with girls. You think I was swimming with girls? 1167 01:18:06,515 --> 01:18:09,475 It was just one girl. l saw that girl. 1168 01:18:09,643 --> 01:18:10,893 Who, that girl? 1169 01:18:11,061 --> 01:18:13,855 Oh, no, that's a waitress. No, I was just ordering in. 1170 01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:16,691 She's a pool waitress. l was... 1171 01:18:16,859 --> 01:18:20,278 ...ordering some fish for you and Audrey and Mom. 1172 01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:23,865 -She took your order? -She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha. 1173 01:18:24,033 --> 01:18:26,075 Swimming waitress. 1174 01:18:26,243 --> 01:18:27,869 You understand, don't you, Russ? 1175 01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:31,039 Sure, l understand. 1176 01:18:31,373 --> 01:18:33,458 Do you think Mom will buy it? 1177 01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:37,503 Good talk, son. 1178 01:18:38,631 --> 01:18:40,506 Go to bed, Russ. 1179 01:18:40,883 --> 01:18:42,383 Goodnight. 1180 01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:53,061 Ellen? 1181 01:18:53,312 --> 01:18:54,854 Honey? 1182 01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:58,941 Are you mad? 1183 01:18:59,818 --> 01:19:01,569 No. 1184 01:19:03,072 --> 01:19:05,239 Do you like that girl? 1185 01:19:06,158 --> 01:19:08,076 Is that what you want? 1186 01:19:08,243 --> 01:19:11,454 Oh, no. No, no, no. 1187 01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:13,873 How could I like a girl like that? 1188 01:19:14,041 --> 01:19:15,917 She's ugly. 1189 01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,586 I love you. 1190 01:19:21,340 --> 01:19:23,966 I'm sorry about evetything. 1191 01:19:24,134 --> 01:19:26,427 I got angry because you were right and l knew it. 1192 01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:28,429 I was hurt, honey. 1193 01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,516 I'm sorry, too. lt's not all your fault. 1194 01:19:31,684 --> 01:19:33,476 I know you've been trying. 1195 01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:35,937 I'm gonna try, too. 1196 01:19:37,690 --> 01:19:39,774 I know how to have fun. 1197 01:19:40,609 --> 01:19:42,443 And l'm going to prove it. 1198 01:19:43,195 --> 01:19:45,905 -Come on. Come on. Come on. -Ellen? What are we doing? 1199 01:19:46,073 --> 01:19:48,449 Honey, you don't have to prove anything to me. 1200 01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:52,245 Come on, Clark. I want us to have some fun together. 1201 01:19:53,247 --> 01:19:56,290 -Come on. -The water's very-- 1202 01:19:56,959 --> 01:19:58,876 ELLEN: Fuck! Aah! 1203 01:20:03,924 --> 01:20:04,966 Ooh! 1204 01:20:05,843 --> 01:20:12,598 Aah! 1205 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:32,076 CLARK: We must be getting close. 1206 01:20:32,244 --> 01:20:34,662 We're almost there. Everybody just take it easy. 1207 01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:38,291 Just take it easy. We're gonna be there. 1208 01:20:40,669 --> 01:20:44,464 I know we're getting close. What is that? What is that? 1209 01:20:44,631 --> 01:20:46,048 There it is. 1210 01:20:46,216 --> 01:20:47,717 Walley World, next three exits. 1211 01:20:47,885 --> 01:20:51,053 -Dad! Whoa! -Walley World! 1212 01:20:52,389 --> 01:20:54,849 We made it, damn it. We made it. 1213 01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:59,103 The Griswolds are one hell of a family, huh? We made it! 1214 01:20:59,354 --> 01:21:01,355 [FAMlLY CHATTERING] 1215 01:21:02,357 --> 01:21:05,318 Don't get too much sun, now. Watch out. Watch out. 1216 01:21:09,156 --> 01:21:10,448 Oh. 1217 01:21:10,616 --> 01:21:12,366 It's beautiful. 1218 01:21:12,534 --> 01:21:15,161 It's just beautiful. 1219 01:21:16,205 --> 01:21:18,623 Oh, darling. 1220 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:25,713 -We made it. -You did it, Clark. Sparky. 1221 01:21:25,881 --> 01:21:28,382 I love you guys. l love. l love. 1222 01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:44,649 CLARK: Aah. First ones here. First ones here. 1223 01:21:47,778 --> 01:21:49,612 First ones here. 1224 01:21:49,780 --> 01:21:52,073 ELLEN: But we're so far away, Clark. 1225 01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:55,576 Right, right. And at the end of the day, when the lot's all full... 1226 01:21:55,744 --> 01:21:59,372 ...and everybody's fighting to get out, we'll be the first ones out, too. 1227 01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:05,086 Why? Because we're the Griswolds. 1228 01:22:05,587 --> 01:22:07,088 [BOTH LAUGH] 1229 01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,090 Come on, l'll race you. 1230 01:23:19,828 --> 01:23:22,371 MARTY [ON RECORDlNG]: Sorry, folks. We're closed for two weeks... 1231 01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:27,001 ...to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry. 1232 01:23:27,169 --> 01:23:28,836 [MARTY CHUCKLES] 1233 01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:30,296 [CHUCKLES] 1234 01:23:32,049 --> 01:23:33,257 [DlSTORTED VOlCE] Sorry, folks. We're closed.... 1235 01:23:33,425 --> 01:23:35,384 Clark. What are you doing? 1236 01:23:35,552 --> 01:23:37,595 We watch his program. 1237 01:23:37,763 --> 01:23:40,848 We buy his toys. We go to his movies. He owes us. 1238 01:23:41,016 --> 01:23:42,892 Doesn't he owe us, huh? 1239 01:23:43,060 --> 01:23:44,685 He owes the Griswolds, right? 1240 01:23:44,853 --> 01:23:46,520 Fucking A right, he owes us. 1241 01:23:46,688 --> 01:23:49,440 -Clark, you're scaring me. -Don't be scared. 1242 01:23:49,608 --> 01:23:52,485 I just think somebody owes us an explanation, that's all. 1243 01:23:52,653 --> 01:23:56,906 -Come on. Come on, come on. -Clark, now just a minute. 1244 01:24:02,079 --> 01:24:03,663 [TlRES SCREECHING] 1245 01:24:03,830 --> 01:24:04,872 [ENGINE BACKFIRES] 1246 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:18,469 Honey, you wanna check the mileage for me, please? 1247 01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:21,263 ELLEN: Where are you going? -l'll be right back. 1248 01:24:21,431 --> 01:24:23,391 I'm just gonna get some sporting goods. 1249 01:24:23,558 --> 01:24:25,393 [HORNS HONKING] 1250 01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:27,520 CLARK: Thank you, thank you. 1251 01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:37,363 ELLEN: Clark, will you listen to me? 1252 01:24:37,531 --> 01:24:40,741 Let's just find a hotel. I'll call my parents, they'll wire us money. 1253 01:24:40,909 --> 01:24:43,411 We can fly home and forget this vacation ever happened. 1254 01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:47,081 Honey, relax. l told you l'm not angry anymore. l'm in complete control. 1255 01:24:47,249 --> 01:24:50,084 I'm sure they're not repairing every ride at the same time. 1256 01:24:50,252 --> 01:24:53,170 I think they owe us a little explanation and a little fun, okay? 1257 01:24:53,338 --> 01:24:56,424 Whatever happens, just trust me. Will you just trust me? Huh, kids? 1258 01:25:02,389 --> 01:25:06,058 Sorry, folks, park's closed. The moose out front should have told you. 1259 01:25:06,226 --> 01:25:09,729 -Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley. -What is your name, sir? 1260 01:25:09,896 --> 01:25:12,023 Clark W. Griswold. 1261 01:25:14,609 --> 01:25:16,235 What's this regarding, Mr. Gristle? 1262 01:25:16,403 --> 01:25:19,822 We're here, public relations-- Summer inspection. 1263 01:25:19,990 --> 01:25:22,241 -Personal matter. lnspection. -Ah. 1264 01:25:25,620 --> 01:25:29,790 Well, nobody notified this office of anything. 1265 01:25:29,958 --> 01:25:32,168 Well, l'm notifying you. 1266 01:25:32,335 --> 01:25:34,462 I'm afraid I'm gonna need more than that, sir. 1267 01:25:34,629 --> 01:25:36,464 Okey-dokey. How's this? 1268 01:25:36,631 --> 01:25:38,090 WHlMPERS] 1269 01:25:38,258 --> 01:25:41,594 Clark, have you lost your mind? Where did you get that? 1270 01:25:41,762 --> 01:25:44,055 Sporting goods store. You listen to me, fat ass. 1271 01:25:44,222 --> 01:25:46,474 Do what I say and there won't be any problem, okay? 1272 01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,978 We just drove 2460 miles, just for a little Roy Walley entertainment. 1273 01:25:51,146 --> 01:25:53,314 The moose says you're closed. I say you're open. 1274 01:25:53,482 --> 01:25:55,941 We're not really violent people. 1275 01:25:56,109 --> 01:25:57,943 This is our first gun. 1276 01:25:58,111 --> 01:25:59,987 CLARK: No, it isn't. 1277 01:26:00,447 --> 01:26:03,532 -What's going on here? -You. Freeze. Freeze. 1278 01:26:03,700 --> 01:26:06,410 Sit! Sit, come on. 1279 01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:09,288 Lie down. Let's go, lie down. 1280 01:26:10,332 --> 01:26:11,791 Roll over. 1281 01:26:12,334 --> 01:26:13,751 Stay. 1282 01:26:15,504 --> 01:26:19,507 Okay. Okay. Let's ride. Let's ride. Come on. 1283 01:26:19,674 --> 01:26:21,175 Stay. 1284 01:26:24,805 --> 01:26:28,015 Yee-hoo. This is scary, isn't it? 1285 01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:31,352 Make sure you keep your hands on the handlebars at all times. 1286 01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:34,563 -We don't want any accidents. -ls that a real gun, Mom? 1287 01:26:34,731 --> 01:26:38,317 I don't know, Rusty. But when this is all over... 1288 01:26:38,485 --> 01:26:41,112 ...your father may be going away for a little while. 1289 01:26:41,279 --> 01:26:44,865 Boy, l sure am bushed. Have you had enough yet, sir? 1290 01:26:45,033 --> 01:26:46,909 What do you mean, bushed? 1291 01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:48,869 Where are the big rides? The big ones? 1292 01:26:54,668 --> 01:26:57,128 Screamie Mimi! Let's go. Get in the front. 1293 01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:58,712 Come on. 1294 01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:00,714 Huh? 1295 01:27:02,801 --> 01:27:05,302 Has your father ever killed anyone before? 1296 01:27:05,470 --> 01:27:08,264 Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna. 1297 01:27:08,431 --> 01:27:11,767 -Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty. -Ooh. 1298 01:27:13,770 --> 01:27:16,397 Rusty? May l call you Rusty? 1299 01:27:16,565 --> 01:27:19,316 I had a bad experience on this ride once before. 1300 01:27:19,484 --> 01:27:20,901 What happened? 1301 01:27:21,069 --> 01:27:22,153 I threw up. 1302 01:27:28,243 --> 01:27:30,244 WHlMPERlNG] 1303 01:27:37,752 --> 01:27:39,837 No, don't do that again. 1304 01:27:50,932 --> 01:28:37,937 [SCREAMlNG] 1305 01:28:49,532 --> 01:28:51,533 [CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY 1306 01:29:17,269 --> 01:29:20,646 Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop. Come on, get in there. Let's go. 1307 01:29:20,814 --> 01:29:23,023 -Please, don't push. -Come on, Audrey. 1308 01:29:23,191 --> 01:29:25,276 Isn't this fun, honey? Come on. 1309 01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:29,738 That's not a real gun, is it, Clark? 1310 01:29:29,906 --> 01:29:31,991 What? Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I. 1311 01:29:32,158 --> 01:29:33,742 It's a BB gun. 1312 01:29:33,910 --> 01:29:36,036 Don't try me. I could put an eye out with this. 1313 01:29:36,204 --> 01:29:39,707 -You couldn't break the skin with that. -lt could. lt could break the skin. 1314 01:29:39,874 --> 01:29:42,459 It could lodge under the skin and cause a bad infection. 1315 01:29:42,627 --> 01:29:46,046 -That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling. -You're not going-- 1316 01:29:46,214 --> 01:29:48,382 -Ooh! -Clark. 1317 01:29:48,550 --> 01:29:50,217 See, l told you. l warned you. 1318 01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:52,720 If you wrecked these pants, you're paying for them. 1319 01:29:52,887 --> 01:29:55,764 Yeah, l'll pay for them. You'll pay for them. 1320 01:29:56,474 --> 01:29:59,059 LASKY: Why did you shoot me? CLARK: lt's a BB gun. l told you. 1321 01:29:59,227 --> 01:30:00,853 LASKY: Well it hurt. -What do you want? 1322 01:30:01,021 --> 01:30:03,022 -Why'd you shoot me? -You tried to run away. 1323 01:30:03,189 --> 01:30:05,316 LASKY: l wasn't going anywhere. CLARK: l thought you were. 1324 01:30:05,483 --> 01:30:06,817 RUSTY: This is great, Dad! 1325 01:30:10,322 --> 01:30:12,156 [SCREAMlNG] 1326 01:30:26,921 --> 01:30:28,881 [CLARK LAUGHING] 1327 01:30:40,393 --> 01:30:42,394 -Whoa. -Ow! 1328 01:30:43,521 --> 01:30:45,064 [ALL SCREAMING] 1329 01:31:02,540 --> 01:31:04,541 [CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY] 1330 01:31:08,129 --> 01:31:09,421 Freeze! 1331 01:31:13,051 --> 01:31:14,301 Don't shoot. 1332 01:31:15,220 --> 01:31:16,970 MAN: You, out. 1333 01:31:17,138 --> 01:31:19,973 All right, hands behind your heads. 1334 01:31:20,141 --> 01:31:22,184 Spread your legs apart. 1335 01:31:22,352 --> 01:31:25,604 And up against the wall. You two, over there. 1336 01:31:28,775 --> 01:31:31,568 -Just a BB gun. -You're all under arrest. 1337 01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:33,821 You have the right to remain silent. 1338 01:31:33,988 --> 01:31:37,533 -lf you give up the right to remain silent-- -Watch your hands, mister. 1339 01:31:37,700 --> 01:31:39,660 --in a court of law. 1340 01:31:44,124 --> 01:31:47,418 How many are there? A lot of them? What, five? What, are they Arabs? 1341 01:31:47,585 --> 01:31:49,878 Whatever they want, pay them. We'll pay them. 1342 01:31:50,046 --> 01:31:52,172 -What's going on? -We've got it under control. 1343 01:31:52,340 --> 01:31:54,007 -These people are terrorists. -Where? 1344 01:31:54,175 --> 01:31:55,384 -There. -Them? 1345 01:31:55,552 --> 01:31:58,303 LASKY: Hello, Mr. Walley. -He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley. 1346 01:31:58,471 --> 01:32:01,390 -He humiliated my human decency! -What did he do with your dog? 1347 01:32:01,558 --> 01:32:04,518 He kidnapped me, but l wanna tell you, I had a great time. 1348 01:32:04,686 --> 01:32:08,397 It's the most fantastic time l ever had. I like where I was way up high-- 1349 01:32:08,565 --> 01:32:10,899 I'm glad you liked it. Now, what's happening? 1350 01:32:11,067 --> 01:32:12,693 -That's Roy Walley, honey. ELLEN: I know! 1351 01:32:12,861 --> 01:32:14,695 Mr. Walley, my name is Russ Lasky. 1352 01:32:14,863 --> 01:32:17,698 -l met you at the summer picnic last year. -l don't remember. 1353 01:32:17,866 --> 01:32:20,284 -They kidnapped my men. -l was the one who was sick. 1354 01:32:20,452 --> 01:32:23,537 Anyway, I went on all the rides, and l didn't get sick this time. 1355 01:32:23,705 --> 01:32:26,457 -Normally, l get sick on all your rides-- -Quiet! 1356 01:32:28,376 --> 01:32:32,129 Uh-- Mr. Walley? Roy? 1357 01:32:32,630 --> 01:32:35,132 I think I can make some sense out of this. 1358 01:32:35,300 --> 01:32:37,551 Well, somebody better explain... 1359 01:32:37,719 --> 01:32:40,387 ...or there'll be a lot of explaining to do. 1360 01:32:40,555 --> 01:32:43,348 -l'm Clark W. Griswold. -Uh-huh. 1361 01:32:43,516 --> 01:32:46,143 And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen. 1362 01:32:46,311 --> 01:32:50,189 Hi. We're really big fans of yours. We watch your show all the time. 1363 01:32:50,482 --> 01:32:53,025 -Oh. -And my children, Audrey and Rusty. 1364 01:32:53,902 --> 01:32:55,986 ROY: Nice family. -Heh-heh. 1365 01:32:56,154 --> 01:32:57,488 CLARK: Uh.... 1366 01:32:58,072 --> 01:33:01,825 -We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City. -Yes, I've been there many times. 1367 01:33:01,993 --> 01:33:07,080 We just spent two weeks of living hell driving out here. 1368 01:33:07,582 --> 01:33:10,542 We lost a very dear member of the family along the way. 1369 01:33:12,754 --> 01:33:14,254 But the important thing, Roy... 1370 01:33:14,422 --> 01:33:17,466 ...is that we could've gone anywhere we wanted to this summer. 1371 01:33:17,634 --> 01:33:19,218 Anywhere in the world. 1372 01:33:19,385 --> 01:33:21,178 But when l asked my kids.... 1373 01:33:21,346 --> 01:33:25,766 And l said-- Kids, remember when I said, "Where would you like to go this summer?" 1374 01:33:25,934 --> 01:33:27,768 -What did you say? -Hawaii? 1375 01:33:27,936 --> 01:33:30,270 Shut up, Russ. Audrey, you remember? 1376 01:33:30,730 --> 01:33:32,940 Uh-- Walley World, Dad? 1377 01:33:33,107 --> 01:33:36,610 Walley World, Dad. Roy Walley World. 1378 01:33:36,986 --> 01:33:38,779 I don't imagine you have any children. 1379 01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:40,989 Are you kidding? l have seven. 1380 01:33:41,157 --> 01:33:43,659 I thought so. Seven, did you hear that, honey? 1381 01:33:44,244 --> 01:33:45,953 You look so young. 1382 01:33:46,496 --> 01:33:48,705 -You do look very young. -Oh? Well. 1383 01:33:48,873 --> 01:33:50,707 Did you ever drive them across country? 1384 01:33:50,875 --> 01:33:52,084 Oh, hell yes. 1385 01:33:52,252 --> 01:33:56,588 I took the whole clan to Florida one year. The worst two weeks l ever had in my life. 1386 01:33:56,756 --> 01:33:59,716 The smell from the back seat was unbearable. You know families. 1387 01:33:59,884 --> 01:34:02,469 I know that smell. l know that smell. 1388 01:34:02,637 --> 01:34:06,890 But, Roy, can you imagine how your kids would've felt... 1389 01:34:07,058 --> 01:34:09,142 ...if when you got to Florida, it was closed? 1390 01:34:09,310 --> 01:34:10,686 Oh, they don't close Florida. 1391 01:34:10,853 --> 01:34:14,898 I know they don't close the state of Florida. But, you know... 1392 01:34:15,066 --> 01:34:17,484 ...when we got here, to Roy Walley World... 1393 01:34:17,652 --> 01:34:19,820 ...and it was closed down, Roy.... 1394 01:34:19,988 --> 01:34:22,364 If you had seen the look on my kids' faces.... 1395 01:34:22,532 --> 01:34:25,826 -l just went a little haywire. -You went a lot haywire, if you ask me. 1396 01:34:25,994 --> 01:34:28,829 Well, l'm very sorry, sir. And l'm sorry to all these people. 1397 01:34:28,997 --> 01:34:31,206 I didn't mean any harm. 1398 01:34:31,374 --> 01:34:34,960 I just want you to ask yourself one thing. If you were.... 1399 01:34:35,503 --> 01:34:36,795 If you were me... 1400 01:34:36,963 --> 01:34:39,756 ...wouldn't you do the same thing for your children? 1401 01:34:39,924 --> 01:34:42,259 -No. MAN: We're all finished here, Mr. Walley. 1402 01:34:42,427 --> 01:34:45,053 You want me to take them downtown and book them? 1403 01:34:45,305 --> 01:34:46,847 Um.... 1404 01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:50,392 No. No. 1405 01:34:50,560 --> 01:34:52,978 Forget it, officer. I'm not gonna press any charges. 1406 01:34:53,146 --> 01:34:55,230 [YELLS] 1407 01:34:57,525 --> 01:35:01,028 Walley. Good, huh? What did l tell you? Did I say trust me? 1408 01:35:01,195 --> 01:35:02,863 Huh? Ha-ha-ha. 1409 01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:06,241 [ALL SCREAMING] 1410 01:38:13,137 --> 01:38:15,138 [ENGLISH SDH]